Because my brother calls me one, and I dont feel so good about it.

I have 2 A's 1 B 2 C's and a D.

Those grades are actually, OKAY. I didnt fail anything, but my Mom only wants me to get

A's and B's like BEA & SEAN. I tried, I really did! I tried to catch up, because I came late for school to start.

and I was there for like 1/2 of 1st Sem. :( Im so pissed, because I feel so stupid.

Im not a genuis like Bea and Sean, why should I try to be?

Well, because my Mom expects me to be, so I'm trying..

I am a retard with retarded grades.

{ Friday, January 12, 2007 }

Well, again, it's been ages since my last update ;( Well right now I'm in room E-3 (U.S. History & Info Tech.) I'll be here for quite some time, since not a lot of people come to school on the last day, We pratctically have free time, and I might as well blog now or else, I'll live to regret it and lazyness will over power me once I get home. Then that would mean I wouldnt've blogged at all. Pretty gay huh? Anyway.. Starting off :)

We are trading our SECRET SANTA'S TODAY :) I'll give you a run one who got who ;)
Well I got BO, KOUMAN got GO SHONG, ALEX got ME, PA got KOUMAN, BO got MACY (If I'm not mistaken.) PA CHIAS got SYDNEY and SYDNEY got PA CHIAS and GO SHONG got ALEX (If Im not mistaken.) and MACY got PA! LOL :) Confused? Sorry ;)

Well, yeah thats about it for today & we get out early.
I got a C- in the Chemistry exam! I think thats pretty good, considering I thought I was going to get an F. -__-"


{ Saturday, December 23, 2006 }

I am now officially 17 years old and 3 days. Pretty gay isnt it? I dont really want to be 17 because I havent been able to feel the joy of being 16. Well, maybe it was just a bad year, which it was. Oh life. I hope my 17th year of being alive is better. I dont know whats wrong though, I find myself being depressed for no good reason. Ok, maybe there is a good reason, but I am certainly not saying it here for the whole good world to see. Thats just fucking gay. Anyway, yeah, I'm typing this entry on notepad because the internet connection is being a bitch on its period again. Ugh. Fucking ass. I'm so whatever right now. I didnt go to school because I had a stomach ache this morning, and believe me it was not pretty. Well I'll give you then run with whats going and what has gone on with my life, like you really care right? Well listen here Bucky, Its my blog so FFF-off if you want to like say things about it. Dont read it. Like stop here now. Ugh. Anyway, yeah. I'm having one of those days, forgive me. Starting off..

My Birthday: December 5'2006
Yeah, on this day, I turned 17. Yay-NOT. Well, at first it was really off for me. I felt so bad that morning. I cried. Yes I cried. It was so strange that I'd be crying on my birthday. But yeah, I was. It was because I missed my friends a whole lot. I mean seriously. I did miss them so much. And yeah, I was thinking of my special someone, for those who know who he is, yeah. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not that important to him. Not like how he treated me before, and yes, I already talk to him about this and he says all those things that he really does love me and that I really am important to him and that he could never get sick of me. Yes, he said all those things, but why he acts the other way around? I will never know. Its crazy. But things turned up for me around lunch time at school, I hung out with Daphne and it was all right. Everything seemed to be turning around and my dark cloud just faded away. Then at night time, me and my family went to Thunder Valley, its like this casino-hotel thing? I dont know. But I know it was a casino. Haha. 17th birthday at a casino right? Thats almost legall but not really legall. Haha. But anyway, yeah, we didnt gamble. Oh come on, we ate at this buffet thing that cost 16$ a plate and everyone got full and it was a happy night for me. So much for a bad day huh? But yes, thats what happend. I took loads of pictures, you might wanna check them out at my multipy :) Its private though so yeah, contacts only. If you arent my contact, add me :)

Yesterday: December 6'2006
Umm. Yeah, I dont know. I went to school, my friend Bo gave me a really sweet birthday card. (Thanks Bo, I love you ♥ ) It was really cute, I swear, it had a panda on the front and it said "Happy Birthday Princess." it was the cutest ever. Haha. I guess yeah, yesterday was ok. Nothing big. Thats all.

December 9'2006
Me and Daphne and Bea went to see UNACCOMPANIED MINORS. :] It was hekka fun. :] Dapne stayed over the night before so yeah. Anyway..



{ Monday, December 11, 2006 }

*I did not write this. And no, I don�t know who wrote it. Let me know if you did/know who did so I can link back.

I wonder when people will realize that the �scene� has become homogeneous. It�s full of 14 year old girls with uneven bangs, black and white striped shirts, and tattered low-top black Chuck Taylor�s, who swoon over homosexual kissing and pathetic whiny lyrics and overuse the symbols.

Their favorite quote is, invariably, �The truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I�d apologize for bleeding on your shirt� because it like, so totally describes their relationship with that one HAWT sophomore who totally ripped their hearts out when they were like, SO in love with him.

Their favorite type of music is, of course, �emo, screamo, and hardcore�, three terms which, in their minds, invariably include the bands Taking Back Sunday, Thrice, and Hawthorne Heights.

Their AIM screennames often include x�s, the words �electrikk�, �disaster�, or some play on their favorite song from their favorite band, you know, the one they saw on MTV like a couple times, but shouldn�t be on MTV because they�re like, way too emo for that.

They take hundreds of black and white pictures with way too much contrast of themselves looking plaintively down at the ground, pointing a gun made of their fingers at their heads, or kissing the camera while displaying their expert application of lip gloss around their labret piercing and the thick dark eyeliner that circles their eyes.

They embrace the �dork� that is inside their polished, fashionable exteriors by writing in their LiveJournals or Xangas about how they and their friends had an �N Sync sing-a-long at one of their sleepovers because, remember, �N Sync is soooo not popular anymore and they like, sooo wouldn�t follow any of the fads of today, so they embrace the fads of yesterday.

They adore �retro fashion�, meaning anything from the 80�s, because they totally used to wear neon colors and big beaded bracelets, even though they were born in, at the earliest, 1988 and remember jack shit about the fashion and culture of the 80�s.

It�s full of �emo boys� who often are difficult to differentiate from �emo girls�, who have meaningless tattoos even though they�re 15, smoke a lot of cigarettes, drink a lot of hard liquor, and are in some shitty band that plays a couple of gigs in someone�s basement because they�re �too cool to go mainstream� when really, they just suck.

They weigh roughly 90 pounds, wear girls� jeans that hug their asses in just the right places, belts buckled somewhere around the side of their right leg, tight striped 80�s style polo shirts or band t-shirts, and skater shoes, even though they don�t skate because that�s soooo lame.

They write awful poetry about the dark abyss of their souls and how the gun is pointed at their heads, the trigger poised to blast away the bloody memories of a failed romance. They cried when Blink-182 broke up, and they have a secret obsession with Avril Lavigne because, like, she really IS kinda hot even though her music totally sucks.

They spend more time at the mirror than their female counterparts do, making sure that the long black shock of hair at the front of their heads lies covering one eye just so, that their lip piercing is perfectly placed so that it looks hot when they kiss other boys, that their pants are the right degree of tightness so as not to exude gayness.

Emo boys and girls often use the suffix �Xcore� to describe themselves, using a number of adjectives or nouns to accomplish this task. This is a play off hardcore music, or �hXc�. Some of these descriptive words include �fashionXcore�, �retroXcore�, or even �yournamehereXcore.�

This way of speaking is retarded or nonsensical to everyone else except those �in the scene�, but it totally doesn�t matter because they�re too nonconformistXcore for anyone to truly understand their �scene�.

They couldn�t name a Sunny Day Real Estate or Rites of Spring song if it came up and bit them on their Gap Jeans-clad asses, and they claim to like the Smiths because Jesse Lacey of Brand New said they were cool.

Sure, they listen to some new �hardcore� bands, but they�re all pretty much the same five bands:
1. Taking Back Sunday
2. Senses Fail
3. Thrice
4. Hawthorne Heights
5. Story of the Year
To these promising young firecrackers, music takes a backseat to fashion in their scene of choice.

Emo girls just want to kiss emo boys, emo boys just want to kiss other emo boys, and they all want to wear tight pants and take lots of pictures of themselves. End of story. Because honestly? It�s electrikk!

{ Monday, December 04, 2006 }

Hay nako, nakakainis talaga buhay ko ngayon. Magtatagalog ako dito para walang makakaintinde. Nasa klase kase ako ngayon kaya mejo nahihirapan ako magblog. Baka may makabasa kase. Eh, wala naman makakaintinde sakin pag tagalog, kaya yan. Pinahirapan ko lang sarili ko. Ayan may nakapansin na, walang makakaintinde. Haha! Saya naman. Mejo gusto ko na umuwi. Di ko nga napost kung anong nangyari nung first day ko dito kase hindi siya maganda. Promise. Yan English. Hahaha. Iiklian ko lang ito kase sobrang nahihirapan na ako. Mamaya nalang pag uwi. Magpopost ulit ako. ENGLISH naman. =)

{ Thursday, November 16, 2006 }

The current mood of bianca_doodel at www.imood.com
Its been nearly one week since I got here and my homesickness has partly faded. For the past few days, I have dont nothing but shopping! Very enjoyable :) Of course, I had already enrolled in school and next week, I'll start, and I am not at all very excited about that. I'm still having those visons of myself and lonliness. I am just bursting with sadamosity. Well, all I can do now is hope for the best and expect the worst. Which is;

1) Expect to have no friends at all.

2) Expect to get rejected.

3) Expect to eat in a toilet stall alone.

I am very negative I know, but I dont want to get my hopes high, now for the hopes part and they are;

1) Hope that people are friendly.

2) Hope that people accept me.

3) Hope to not eat in a toilet stall alone-or with company for that matter.
(Seriously, who wants to eat in a toilet stall?)

For those who have noticed, I changed my layout, isnt it nice? I dont love it though, I wanted something simpler but I couldnt find any, so this will have to do.

Right now, I am dreadfully tired since I had to spend the day with mum and my grandmum, we went to Costa and bought a few groceries. (Costa is like Price Smart for those who need know.) Then went to old navy where I saw loads of nice clothes though I didnt fancy them enough to buy them since the ones I wanted werent on sale. Then we went to Ross where I bought a pretty skirt and yeah, after that we went to the doctors so I can get my shots needed for school. Cause apparantly I need them to go to school. Now I have them, and they hella hurt I tell you that, so I get to go to school now. Oh Joy!--NOT!

So in the doctors place, I had to friggin' strip so she could check my body and what-not. Just like the Medical Examination I took in the Philippines yet, more wholesome since I didnt have the strip everything off! If you know what I mean. >:\ So yeah, blah, blah blah, she went on and on about some crap I didnt reallly get then she sent my mum out and interviewed me. Which I guess she thought I was more comfortable to answer her questions if my mum wasnt around cause her questions were like;

1) Have you done drugs?

2) Do you smoke?

3) Have you had sex?

See what I mean? And naturally I said NO, NO, and NO! Then she checked off, so I cant be pregnant or I cant be high or something. LOL. So after the painful shots, by the way, I have 3 on my right and 2 on my left they put bandaids, and lo and behold they were Snoopy bandaids, I dont know if they were to help the pain go away, but yeah, they didnt help anyway. But I think they are cool :] We went home, I cooked Mac&Cheese for dinner and well basically, thats all I have to say now, boring isnt it? Well too bad, thats all I have to say, seriously, I cant think of anything and all I hear now is my brother Sean playing Final Fantasy, my sister Bea playing her trashy music and my Tito watching TV. And oh yes, the sound of my fingers as they delightfully type this entry. Well till' next time, TTFN;]

{ Thursday, November 09, 2006 }

Well, after 11 hours and 15 minutes, we reached the place the one and only "Home of the Brave" country, best known as the United States of America or the Good Ole' U.S.A. during the plane trip that took practically half of my life, I cried reading my cousin Cam and Dayna's letters, they were so touching and I miss them like hell. :( And my very good friend Joy surprised me in the airport, everything was all good, though it always seemed harder and harder for me to leave, cause I'm leaving so much people behind. I miss all my friends so much already. Its annoying, cause ever since yesterady, I've been nothing but homesick and now, I'm feeling better of course but I'm still missing all my friends. Sorry if I repeat myself, its just, I do miss them a lot. :( Its killing me seriously. :( I'm going to school a week from now. I hate it, cause this is going to be so different. I justhope for the best and expect the worst. I have no friends, and people are going to be starring at me and pointing or whatever, thinking "Who the hell is she?" and "Whats she doing here?" that thought isnt pretty. Not at all. :( Its very, very upsetting, seriously now.

As I stepped out of the airport, feeling chilly, my lips started to chap, well it was since this morning, but now it isnt cause I have lip balm. Thank God! I felt a rush of happiness to finally see my mum, sister, stepfather and brother. But then I had this really down feeling too, cause yes you guessed it, I was and still am, very homesick. America is great and all, but I miss the Philppines. I really do, and I miss my friends and cousins so so so so much! I cried myself last night thinking that I am never going to see them anymore and that well, I'm going to be lonely forever. Grr. Negativiy bites, I know, but I a negative, seriously, negative. Well this is it for now loves, ciao.

{ Sunday, November 05, 2006 }

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